my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
