You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
