How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
