good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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