So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Randomize
