K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
