I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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