shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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