Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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