we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
