New invention idea: vibrating tampons
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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