you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
