dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Randomize
