Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
