That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
is that a dick in a sweater?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
