I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
