well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
