You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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