the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
