Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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