so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
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My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize