I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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