The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
