playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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