I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize