What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
