i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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