So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
