we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
