dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
