I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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