Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
