I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
