I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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