that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
