Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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