she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
