I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
