well I can't set my house on fire every night
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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