we should wear snuggies to the strip club
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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