Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
