Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
