my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
