I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
