we're blogging at a bar
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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