So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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