sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
