oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
