i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
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i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
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See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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