Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
