Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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