I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My life is pants optional.
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