the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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