burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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