Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
