The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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