i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
