I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
