My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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