Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
