Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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