I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
