If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Randomize
